I started feeling sick a few days ago, and it's gotten worse. I woke up this morning feeling so groggy and numb, my mom even told me I looked like shit.
I went to the doctors yesterday, which is never a pleasant trip. you're supposed to leave feeling better, or at least a little better. I leave feeling shittier than I did walking in there. great, more things wrong with me. they still don't know what it is. I'm almost this, I'm almost that. so close. so close to crying, all the time.
I almost got in trouble with cops the other night, but I got out of that one. phew.
also, earlier today I was washing out the litter box with the hose out front. I was barefoot, like always. I felt this pain on the bottom of my foot, but I had just smoked so I didn't really feel much, and tried to ignore it. then it really started hurting, so I looked and saw blood. sat down, looked real hard, and realize it's a piece of glass lodged in there. fucking great. had to get tweezers and pull it out. even the same foot as my smashed toe. perfect, just perfect!
and today I find out my mom deleted last night's big brother. that sucks.
and I'm also dealing with a personal conflict, it's really frustrating.
I've been in bed all day yesterday and today. beds are the best. such comfort. I like to hide in my bed. all my flaws and moods and negativity is fostered underneath the comfort of my sheets. I try to turn all this negativity into positivity. all of a sudden, it's difficult. I don't see any way out of this.
Everything sucks. why me?
Why is it always "this or that"? Why can't I just settle in between?
Why is it when I reach happiness, that I lose it almost immediately?
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