I am losing focus. Eh, I can't even say I'm losing it because it's already gone. I can't focus.

Having a fun social life and spending lots of time with my boyfriend has made me stupid. I was always a procrastinator but now I do things so half-ass that I know it won't turn out right in the end, yet I continue to just swing it. Go with it. "You'll do fine!" "Don't worry about it." "You know this crap." No, what I should have done was actually complete the homework, give a shit about what I'm learning, and not put everything off 'til the morning of. I know I bombed my test today in my algebra class, and she gave me 0 points for the homework. I didn't show any work. I can fucking do those problems in my head...but I did copy some of 'em from the back of the book. But still, I did most of 'em in my head. So I'm not happy. I shouldn't even be in this stupid class, I passed algebra 1 and 2 in high school, why the fuck am I in this class anyway...oh yeah, I couldn't pass the placement test. Just found out today though if you tell them you've already completed those that they'll place you where you need to be placed. Glad I'm in the class for no reason then.

I lost focus. I want it back.

I can't blame anyone but myself though. I just get so lazy.

I'm hanging with Cassie today, thank goodness. I need Cassie-time. It's so fucking hot today, I want to go to the beach but I'm sure there'll be plenty of other hot days to go. I just need a tan, bad.

I've been working decent hours, I usually stay my full shift. And I'm picking up shifts, so I'm pleased about that. Money, I NEED IT!

I'm so hungry. Weed. Matzoh. All My Children.

Time to eat my feelings and watch a dramatic soap opera. The usual.

my highs, you inspire

Last Thursday- Jerrod and I went to LA to see Alkaline Trio and it was awesome. I completely forgot it was St Patrick's Day for most of the day, but I realized it again when I saw the separation between the 21 and over crowd and the not-21-yet crowd. I wish we could have been sipping beers and whatnot, it's a bummer to not be 21. Two more years, and then I'll be getting drunk in many public places! Cheers.

Then Friday morning...err, afternoon Jerrod and I drove up to my river house. The sing-alongs on the way there and the way back were very entertaining. Fun stuff.

I can't wait to go back up to the house, we're planning a trip to go up with Riley, Renee, Brandon and Jen. We'll go when it gets warmer so it's nice and sunny, and the water will be soooo nice. And I can't wait to take Ashley up there, too. It's awesome being a big girl now.

I feel good. Content. Hopeful. Secure. Excited! And very, very pleased.

I am broke as shit, but all is well.

Woke up in a gloomy mood. Not really, I went to bed with the same negative state of mind. My dreams were full of anxiety and now I just don't feel well.

I just feel like a big bitch today.

"What can I do about it?" - Honestly, what can I do about it?

I have no idea, whatsoever. I'm stuck!

Not a care in the world right now. I feel totally secure, and comfortable.

And happy! Really happy.

No more negative me, because I realize that I don't need to be negative. I have no reason to hide my head in the sand and wait for some storm to come along. Instead, I have extremely high hopes for what's ahead of me. I may be broke as shit, but I've got all the things I need and everyone I love.

Love!

"I just hope you don't, hope you don't..."

I am so fucking full, I don't know how I'm going to work tonight. I start at 5, so I only have less than two hours to lay here and hopefully take a nap. Ashley came down and we've been high and eating the whole time. We look pregnant. I want to pass out.

I went to Disneyland yesterday with Cassie, Jerrod and Allix. Had a really fun time. I want to get a pass again, but I still find ways to get inside so maybe I don't have to. I love free shit.

I work all three days this weekend, and I've been working quite a few full shifts lately during the week. These next few paychecks will be lovely, but as for this moment I am pretty broke.

What a funny little predicament I've found myself in. A quiet, uncomfortable predicament.