Forget all the crazy talk. I was going crazy.

I don't feel so crazy anymore. I feel just fine.

Getting really high around the time you're going to get your period is not a good time.

Getting high after that is fine though.

My mom asked me to record the Oscar's this morning, but she asked me right after I had smoked, so...she should've known better. Apparently I recorded the wrong thing, so we missed two hours of it. Guess I have to watch it online, or hopefully at Jerrod's house some time this week.

Took my mom to see I Am Number Four tonight. An hour into it I told her I wanted to leave because it sucked, so as we're walking out she sees Unknown starting at 9:55 (the one she originally wanted to see) so I took her keys and ditched her. Hopefully I remember to go pick her back up soon.

I need to start on my presentation. I'm stupid.

(Stupidly happy.)

you push me over and I crack

My room is a fucking mess. The plan is to clean it today, and I hope I do. I am 99.9999% sure I will clean it. I throw things around like nobody's business. It was clean, once upon a time. Things were once organized. My life was once organized. Oh well. I have a project to complete still that I must present tomorrow in geology. I should probably start on that soon, too. I am slowly procrastinating...slowly melting away...

I saw Max Bemis at the Troubadour with Jerrod on Friday. My eyes watered, it was so awesome to watch him play just a few feet in front of me. The setlist was sweet, I was hoping for older tunes but what can ya do. It was a very pleasurable night.

I am still on the search for a second job. Every goddamn time one sounds promising, it somehow slips away. As of this moment I am supposed to have a second interview scheduled soon, but it's taking forever. Maria's giving me more hours at the theater so I'm not too worried right now. I don't want to leave that place, it's like my second home. I feel so comfortable there.

I'm all about feeling comfortable. And sometimes lately I am not, but I realize that's all under my control. At least I'm hoping it is.

I'm starting to feel like a child but I can't help it. I didn't want to return to these ways because it worries me. I get ugly, I feel down. I feel raw. I've learned from my mistakes before, my childish antics won't help anyone. I never want to be that girl. It's been too long, fighting foreign feelings. This sounds like gibberish. I ramble. I suck.

I should start cleaning and being productive, but my head won't stop spinning!

spit it from your mouth like a foreign object

Being sick makes you very emotional. Or is that just me?

When I give advice, I am extremely logical and level-headed. But when it comes to my own issues, I can't help but struggle with emotion. I feel like a lump of clay.

Screw whoever got me sick. All the damn kids at school are sick, so it was pretty much inevitable. I don't think I'm getting any better, but I don't feel that much worse. Hopefully it's gone by the weekend. Hopefully this mindset is gone by the weekend as well.

I should stop. Come tomorrow I'll be fine, as usual. It's only in the late hours of the night that my head starts spinning.

I've had a test every day this week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and then tomorrow morning. I wake up a few hours early before each class and just study. I know I did fine on the first three, I just worry about tomorrow cause it's for psychology. I was really good at passing psychology tests in high school so I hope some of that old information has stuck with me. I should start studying now but my mind is wandering elsewhere. So quick to assume, so quick to fret.

Today just wasn't my day. I don't feel very well cause I'm definitely getting sick. I kept getting too hot at work, damn those poppers. I didn't feel well last night either actually. I felt like shit. My whole upper body, every bone from my neck to my collar bone to my shoulders just completely ached. I couldn't even laugh without my chest filling with pain. I hate getting sick, it comes out of no where and comes on way too strong. After work today I came home and got right into my pajamas. I waste no time when it comes to being comfortable. I've been studying and eating and smoking and losing my mind. I don't want to take this test tomorrow. Oh yeah, my nose piercing got infected and it is fucking painful. I keep accidently hitting it or somehow managing to rip it out. Ugh. My eyes burn, my back hurts, my throat aches... go me!

I smoked out of one of my new bongs, and it rules.

Friday was fun, after work I went to Jen's house to hang with Jerrod + friends, and left in the morning to go back to work. We went to Happy Bagel for breakfast which was pretty good, but it ain't no Bagel Me.

The letters on the screen keep going in and out into each other, getting all jumbled up. I can barely read this. Awesome.

I want a full body massage. I want a smoothie. I want cereal. I want to eat again but I shouldn't. I ate too much pizza. Too much food lately. But it's so good!

I must sleep. I have to wake up at like seven or earlier to study and finish crap for my geology class at 9:30. First big thing I have extremely procrastinated on...I hope this ends after this one. I can't be doing this again. My mind has been all over the place lately except in a really important place, school. Good job, me. You suck.

I want lots of things. But mostly cuddling.

I'm way higher than usual. I went to Sam's after work and hung out with him, Vega, Jon, Stu and two other dudes. They passed around the bong and pipe for...well....forever. My mind has melted from the ridiculous things we talked about. They find the weirdest theories about shit...for example, Hitler is half-robot. I wish I could write every topic we discussed but I no longer have short-term memory. My favorite quote was "If I had to choose between having sex with my mom and drinking diarrhea, I'd drink diarrhea." I don't know. They're funny, my stomach hurts still from laughing so hard. I don't see them as often at work anymore, which is such a bummer. I wish Vega still worked at the theater. Those were the days! *Starts reminiscing* I miss when Ashley still worked there, and Vega and Jon were the concession leads. Definitely my favorite memories of Krikorian. Life was easy, life was great.

I had a bowl of Frosted Cheerios when I got home. I can eat cereal at any time of day, and most of the time I eat it twice a day. Mmmmmmmmmm...

Oh yeah, I picked up a shift today. 5:30-close in concessions, all by myself. Easy shmeasy. Closing sucked though, Robert and I weren't moving fast enough. Vanessa asked us to stay later to check theaters and crap, so of course I said yes. An extra hour or two, yes please.

Money, money, money. Nom nom nom nom nom nom. I am money hungry.

I had a lot of things I thought about posting, but I feel like a zombie.

Too tired, too drained, too high, too slow. Too weird.

something in the way, something in the way

I am really comfortable right now.

I work all three days this weekend, wahoo! And they're good shifts, too. No closing shifts, fuck yeah.

I went back in my blog and deleted quite a few posts. I wanted to throw up reading them, I was such an idiot back then. It makes me sick to my stomach. And all I feel is embarrassed.

You shouldn't try to talk to me anymore, I'll only keep reminding you what a shitty person you are.

I'm falling behind on my recorded shows again, but that's because I'm busier lately. My mind is somewhere else, and I'll admit it's usually in the gutter. I can't help it!

I'm a zombie lately, but I really don't mind. I'm smiling.

In moments of weakness I become a little green, but I quickly push it aside. That's not me anymore.

Tomorrow's going to be my productive day. I'm going to actually give a shit about how I look (I never do on school days...) and drive to Anaheim and Cerritos after class to turn in applications. Hopefully it really is an immediate interview like it says online. I'm going to get a second job. It's going to happen. It has to!

we won't scream and we won't shout

I have a tummy ache. I feel like my tummy is huge, I ate so much today. Fuck.

And I cannot wait to smoke a bowl right now and pass out. And then sleep in, cause I don't have shit to do tomorrow! Besides homework, but that can wait 'til later on in the day.

Just got home a little bit ago from Spencer's apartment. Hung out with Cassie and friends, played some beer pong. Watched Spencer and Pat wrestle which I will never understand why guys do that when they get drunk. The last thing I would wanna do after I drink is wrestle someone as seriously as they do sometimes. I'm a little buzzed still, it's been a while since I've drank. Whatever

I went to Target today and bought myself two new bras. So that's cool I guess.

I finally went cosmic bowling for the first time last night and it was really fun. I went with Jerrod and his friends whom are all super friendly. I started off strong with two strikes but then just started sucking. I got one other strike towards the end so fuck it! I like bowling.