you push me over and I crack

My room is a fucking mess. The plan is to clean it today, and I hope I do. I am 99.9999% sure I will clean it. I throw things around like nobody's business. It was clean, once upon a time. Things were once organized. My life was once organized. Oh well. I have a project to complete still that I must present tomorrow in geology. I should probably start on that soon, too. I am slowly procrastinating...slowly melting away...

I saw Max Bemis at the Troubadour with Jerrod on Friday. My eyes watered, it was so awesome to watch him play just a few feet in front of me. The setlist was sweet, I was hoping for older tunes but what can ya do. It was a very pleasurable night.

I am still on the search for a second job. Every goddamn time one sounds promising, it somehow slips away. As of this moment I am supposed to have a second interview scheduled soon, but it's taking forever. Maria's giving me more hours at the theater so I'm not too worried right now. I don't want to leave that place, it's like my second home. I feel so comfortable there.

I'm all about feeling comfortable. And sometimes lately I am not, but I realize that's all under my control. At least I'm hoping it is.

I'm starting to feel like a child but I can't help it. I didn't want to return to these ways because it worries me. I get ugly, I feel down. I feel raw. I've learned from my mistakes before, my childish antics won't help anyone. I never want to be that girl. It's been too long, fighting foreign feelings. This sounds like gibberish. I ramble. I suck.

I should start cleaning and being productive, but my head won't stop spinning!