I've got a toothache and I am sore all over. went to the gym tonight with topher, and actually worked out. I ache all over, fuck. I was already sore, so walking is quite painful. I'm trying to start going to the gym way more often, I need to. why the hell not, ya know.
I worked today in box office, that was fun. at first I was scared of the registers but after I got used to it, I totally enjoyed it. all we did was talk dirty and play 'your team, my team'. I opened yesterday, too, in concessions. after working box, I realize that I wanna stay in box. way easier.
the show on wednesday was absolutely great. sheilahn and julian came n' picked me up, and we headed to the block. smoked a few bowls and wasted time around the stores, then went inside lucky strike to wait for the show. realized we had more time to waste, so we left to the car, took a quick trip to pick up some beer, headed back to the parking lot, played some drinking games and smoked some more. we played the sentence game, which was hilarious. the sentences actually sounded pretty sweet. "nostrils can sense foreign objects from outer formations.." yeah, that's all I remember, hah. but it was a really cool sentence. anyway, so I was pretty buzzed when we went back in. we bowled for a little bit, then went to where the bands were. I really enjoyed the first two bands, it was fun dancing. we rubbed off the x's on our hands and managed to score some beer, and we drank all night. aaaamazing. sheilahn and I were acting like girlfriends and we would tell people, hah it was so great. the growlers came on and that's when the fun really started. dancing and pushing and shoving, I was so content with everything. I was dancing next to some really hot dude, so I was like hell yeah. my feet got trampled and I got shoved quite a few times, but overall...the night was great. I'm so happy we went. sheilahn is one of the few people that I can legitimately have a good time with. it was very much needed.
school sucks lately. not really, I'm just getting so close to getting out, I'm anxious. hurry the hell up.
oh yeah, I finally did my presentation this week. because I couldn't last week due to the file name or something not working on his laptop, I just brought in my computer and presented. everyone laughed when I told 'em the topic was marijuana. what else would it be. I actually did alright. I was sort of nervous and hyper, I'm fine with talking in front of people, I love attention. it's just knowing I'm being judged makes me all fidgety. my teacher said I didn't bomb, so I'm waiting to figure out the grade. oof.
as of this moment, I'm not quite sure how I feel. I was so happy two days ago, everything was falling into place. I was in control, the ball was in my court...I had everything figured out. I was making smart decisions and not acting on impulse. and then I acted on impulse.
I fucked up. I can't take it back, and I can't say I regret it, because I don't. but this will come back to bite me in the ass. and I wish I could say it was worth it, but deep down I know it wasn't. it never was, no matter what I did. I couldn't resist the taste of it, in the oddest way I feel redemption, but in the worst way I feel pointless. there's nothing left to do now besides watch the pieces fall apart, as I try to keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself.
I just need someone to save me. from these foolish decisions, impulsive behavior, irrational sense of thought. I'm not making any sense lately.
I'm not making any sense lately.
I'm not making any sense lately.
I'm not making any sense lately.
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