slight delay

So many things on my mind. but then again, not really.

I just sit here and let it all wash over me in a cool breeze. I'm realizing that there really isn't much to be upset about.

I stopped smoking so much. I do love weed, though. it's truly blissful to me, puts me in a content state of mind. others enjoy me more when I'm high, because I'm more optimistic and joyful. and I enjoy me more, too. I enjoy and appreciate what's around me and the beauty in things.

I don't know why I was pushing for us to stay close. we both have changed, I can feel it in the way we talk. we're closed and hesitant. you're not the same. I guess you'll never be the same. and I realize you can't change a person, and I wish that wasn't true. but there's nothing left for me to do. you're not who I'd like you to be, that's what it comes down to, to be honest. I still feel the ache in my chest, but reality and time are slowly healing the wound you've created inside me.

high school's almost over. thank fucking god. get me out of this hell hole. no, not really, it's not so bad anymore. I don't mind laughing at the childish antics of fellow classmates, or listening to teachers ramble on about nothing important/relevant to what we should be learning. I sit in class now and appreciate all the silly things, because I know that this is it. and I am stoked to get the fuck out. I think there's like thirty-six days left. finally.

this weekend was fun. hung out with my stoner baseball friends and had a few beers. and on saturday went to bobby's birthday party at the hotel in long beach, then zack's after. I missed all of 'em. and I saw kickass on sunday, which was surprisingly good. I hate nicolas cage, but he was good towards the end.

being eighteen is nice. I feel relieved. about so many things. lately, I just feel happier and I'm leaning towards optimism more often than I was before. I mean, why not. I don't mind being alone, I've got so many years ahead of me to spend alone, and not alone. I just wish I could find someone now that appreciates me for what I am and enjoys my company. nothing serious, I just want to have fun and know that I can find comfort in someone.

on wednesday, I get to see beautiful sheilahn and go see the growlers at the block. I'm super happy - I love sheilahn, weed and good music. and on friday I'm going with joshua to see the murder city devils in la. also excited 'bout that.

I guess I can just smile these days, and say that I'm okay. really.