resting under the breaks

I have a huge lump in my throat. at first I thought it was because I'm getting sick, which I probably am.

but after that dream, my whole body just feels odd.

what a stupid dream. so illogical and ridiculous. time-traveling, tv show plots, friends, adventures, big vans, sex, you, and nacho cheese.

I can't even understand, what the hell. ha.

I don't want to keep thinking about it. but I do. I'm waiting, waiting for good news.

to let me know that I can safely go home. 'home.'

home means so many things. just waiting, I guess.

spring break was nice, I enjoyed the time off. I needed it. to rest, to play, to get my mind off things. I didn't do much, I had work, I hung with friends.

cassie's going away party on friday was really fun. we went to a hotel in long beach, it was sweet. I started the night off with a shot, then it became a few beers, a few bowls. I smoked so much, I was blissful. after a while, my head was spinning. then we played flip cup, and my team dominated each time. beer dripping down my cheeks, me stumbling a bit. I was enjoying myself, more than I have in such a long time. I knew I was wasted. and I was happy. finally got to bed around 6, and had to wake up an hour n' a half later to get our shit together and get outta there. I smoked a bowl with michael before we left, it helped sober me up, ha. cassie and I stopped by jack n' the box so I could get some french toast stix, then to my house to jump in my work uniform, then she dropped me off at work. yeah, I had to open that morning at the theatre. that fucking sucked. every time I saw josh, I was like 'dude, send me home if they send someone home early'. they never did. I worked a full eight hours, either hung over or still sort of drunk. it was horrible, I wanted to get some damn sleep.

I passed out pretty early last night, and woke up not too long ago. my body finally feels a bit rested. thank god.

I've been in bed with my cat ever since. a good way to wrap up spring break.

today I was supposed to go shopping with nick for his birthday, but he can't go anymore. I still need to write my essay. man, procrastination is my middle name. fuck.

I think I'll go smoke and eat a donut or something. get my head on straight.

I've been laying here, staring at my ceiling. contemplating.

good morning, I guess.