I feel numb. it's so pleasant. higher than usual, I can barely focus. I'm not sure how I feel lately. every time I view it in a positive light, it then becomes so negative. but I'm not sad, I'm not unhappy. just a bit regretful. and quite nostalgic.
I just feel empty. and not in a sad, depressing way. my body, just feels empty. I don't have any energy, spirit. I don't feel motivated, inspired. I'm just bored with everything. I feel like I don't have a reaction anymore, nothing phases me. it worries me. a little bit.
I want to feel. in so many ways.
school was really wearing me out for a bit. my procrastination didn't mix so well with all the deadlines in the past week or two. that was quite annoying.
I worked a full eight hour shift today. isn't that somethin', and then I work tomorrow and sunday morning. I was in a hyper, fun mood at work. don't really know why, but I was nice and energetic. came home, and my mood crashed. whatever, happens all the time. I guess easter's sunday, I didn't really know 'til my dad told me. I don't pay attention anymore.
I turn eighteen in like, eleven days. no longer jail bait, ha ha.
I'm enjoying laying here. back to being positive, sort of. I'm right in between. I'm just in an odd state of mind. I need something to bring me back into focus.
I am definitely losing focus.
and of course, every time it's the furthest from my mind, that stupid song comes on. or one of them, anyway. and you're right there.
stop it.
I need to start writing my dreams down. they've become so ridiculous, just full of impossible things...immoral relationships, questionable reality, sexual conquests, colorful visuals I can't understand the nature of.
eyelids are becoming heavy. feel so relaxed.
I might as well.
goodnight, goodnight.
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