smashley simpson

Today was a stupid day.

It started out as a good day, considering I fixed my stupid box in photo.  Now I can paint! finally.  And today was the day to donate blood, and I signed myself up.  so I get called out to do it, and they have me fill out paper work, blah blah.  You must weigh 110 pounds, and I used to..but now, I dunno what happened, I weigh like 104.  I used to be 117, but I've been losing weight.  So I just said I weighed 115, because who cares.  The questions on the forms were quite funny, though.  "For females:  Have you ever had sex with a male who's had sex with another male?"  hahaha, uh.  "Males: Have you had sex with another male?"  Oof.  Anyway..so I get called in, and this old lady takes me into a little box room and pricks my finger to test my blood first.  I think it was fine, but I know that I'm anemic or close to being it, so Idunno.  But she takes my blood pressure on my left arm, and says it's too low.  I know I have perfect blood pressure, so I thought that was odd.  86/60, that's not my usual one.  It's way better than that.  Maybe it's because I'm sick, but still.  So she takes it on my right arm, and that turns out better, but she still won't let me give blood.  I was bummed.  but I still took a shirt.  at least I tried, hah.  And I hope my picture is still in the yearbook.

I want to be a part of the school, damnit.

Smoked when I got home.  Relieved my baby headache from earlier in the day.  Made more mac n' cheese.  It's become an addiction.  Watched the soap, started passing out.  Fell asleep for a little.

Took my mom to see Whip It tonight.  It was pretty good.  I thought it would be a little better, but I liked it.  I love Drew Barrymore, Jimmy Fallon, and Juliette Lewis especially.  Landon Pigg was the boyfriend in it, and he was sooo attractive, hah.  He dressed so cute.

He wore these cute boot shoes...ugh.  Boys who dress like that are quite delicious.

Checked my schedule, I only work Saturday.  Whatev.

I'm on the verge of tears.  And I'm not really depressed, it's this fucking headache.  I feel like my forehead is a piece of wood, getting nailed by a hammer.  I don't know how to describe it, ha, but I wanna cry.  No matter how much I rub and clutch my head, or whatever tylenol I take...it fucking hurts.  Wanna sleep, but I need to shower, and there's so many shows to watch tonight..

The Office, Community, Always Sunny, Survivor, yada yada yada.

Thursday nights are good nights.

This raging headache is killin' me.  Gonna take some tylenol, eat some oatmeal cookies.  Those are so delightful.

There's these things I wish I could write about..but I can't.

They don't sound good.  and they most likely aren't.  But they are swimming through my veins like constant reminders.  I am lost.

Very, very lost.

I'm full of worry.  and anxiety.  and I have this awful feeling that things are slipping.

I don't want them to.  really.  I don't.

but I feel this ache that I can't save it.  and it kills me.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed, and my hopes up.

I just need a shoulder.  and some bud.

later.