I couldn't stop, so I swerved to the right

My eyes still burn.  But I feel better...a bit of the weight on my shoulders has been lifted.  thanks to me.  for stopping myself from breaking myself down.

I guess I'll just ignore it and bitch until the time comes.  where I already know how I'll feel.  how you'll act, with reactions and actions, I don't know.  I worry.

I'm really not happy with it.  it makes me feel sick and upset.  and I'm not backing down.  I'll just bite my lip.  I've already lost too much sleep over this, and you.

School's been whatever lately.  I have basically all A's still.  I probably always will.  I'm starting to fall asleep at school, I was really hoping it wouldn't come to this.  I really don't want it to be like last year.  I think I need a weekend of sleep or something.  to catch up.  fuck.

I memorized my twenty lines of Hamlet for English.  I present Friday.  I hope I don't choke.  I'm sure I'll do fine..ha.  Hamlet's such a conflicted dude.  bummer.

I took a picture of my box.

Jack's face looks better in person.  the shape doesn't come out well on my webcam, and the eye looks weird.  but it looks fucking perfect in person.  maybe I'll just have to take a picture of it with my nikon later on.

I went to the same sex store I did last year for my elf costume and bought the stupidest costume ever.  I think it's funny.  It's just this slutty piece of lingerie...with cat ears.  It's like the equivalent to the Mean Girls scene..."I'm a mouse, duh."  hah, I think I have the right to be slutty this year.  I haven't before, I've never really done shit for halloween.  so whatever.  and I don't even know what I'm doing this year.  I'm going to Care's party on friday.  but Saturday, I don't know.  might just drop acid with Kyle...that should be interesting.

I bought some bud...dankies.  haha.  I'm stoked, it smells delicious.

Bought a black chest of drawers today.  I needed one, wanted one for like three years.  so finally.  thanks mom.  We should be getting it friday.  if only I could fucking push my dad into getting the loft bed like he promised.  ugh.

I just want to paint.  I...I want to..do something.

so many ideas.  my hands are giddy and impatient.

I've never seen so many dead animals in the road like I have lately.  it's sick.  not a good sick, I mean it's shitty.  really dampens my mood.  ha.

I'm trying to be positive.  about everything and anything.  it's hard.  because in the back of my mind...I know.  I know.

I just hold my head in my hands.  and feel burdened.  guilty.  lonely.  upset.  relentless.  motivated.  unmotivated.  frustrated.  annoyed.  pity.  pushed.  forced.  vulnerable.  weak.

I'm losing ground.  losing balance.  losing any strength I had..

I just wanna find solid ground.  to place my tired feet.

my drained body.  my restless mind.

time for my iced oatmeal cookies.

suck it.