Instead of our timed writing being on our summer reading, my teacher gave us the prompt of "how music defines us". Stoked. I did so well, can't wait to get that thing back.
This week has been pretty good. Finite blows, and I could actually drop it if I wanted to, but I'm deciding not to. Might as well learn this shit now, because I'll have to in college, anyway. Other than that, everything else rules. Photography is sweet, I'm impatient to start taking pictures.
I'ma be pissed if my school has us watch that Obama speech on Tuesday. I'll vomit. Shove him down our throats a little more. Jesus christ. Get the guy out of my fucking face already. I absolutely hate him. I can't stand democrat teachers. All they do is praise him. Republican teachers aren't negative when they speak about politics, they don't even say anything bad. but democrat ones have to bag so hard on Republicans. I hate democrats. So fucking rude and pushy. "change" and "hope". It's hilarious.
I hate that I'll turn 18 under Obama's rule. Makes me want to crawl into a corner. Please, 3 more years, go by quickly. Get this guy out of here. and out of my face already. On your stupid bumper-stickers and shirts. Lies.
I wish I could've been born in a different time. I feel that I've missed out, and I'm just another teenager going under the radar. Another flimsy vote to society. I don't mean shit. And I'm okay with that, because my voice doesn't matter anyway. Corrupted governments and pigs will rule me. And I can't fight that. So I will seep under the radar, and I will get by. Barely.
I really don't know who I am right now. Or more of a 'what'. It really gets under my skin. and I guess that's okay. I don't need to know. nor do I want to..
Dreams. Dreams are so awkward, yet intriguing. Is it what you really want, or is it just a replay of a memory? Are you aching for what you see, but only can even imagine having it in your dream. It's nuts. Nick and I were talking at lunch, and we were sayin' how weird it is when the faces change, all randomly. Like, I once dreamt Nick and I killed these two guys, and we were stuffing their bodies in a sewer drain, and I turned around to look at him, and it was my sister. For the rest of the dream, too. It's just random and sudden, yet your dream doesn't really change. They adapt all the features of them in your dream, and then you're just okay with them being there, instead of the person before. Idunno, it's weird.
My dreams have been so odd lately. A few days ago, I dreamt that I went on a date with Andy Samberg. Not complaining or anything, but wtf? hah, it was a really sweet dream, though. Then the next day, I dreamt of an old encounter from 2008, and I had no idea why. *gags*. Last night, it was Zach Galifianakis. We were hanging out at the movies, and he started to go on a killing rampage. He killed everyone in sight, and he kept trying to kill me. My dog was there, and he kept shooting her, too. Chessie laid down and was like, dying, and I fell next to her. We both pretty much were not trying to breath, so he wouldn't see and shoot us again. He laid next to me, with his arm around me, and was whining and rambling about everyone. The doode was nuts. He saw Chessie's chest moving up and down, slowly, and he shot her in the face. It skinned her nose, and there was a lot of blood. My heart jumped, so he felt the jolt of my chest, and he went to stab me, and stabbed me once, but I shoved him off of me and stabbed him in the face. He ran away, and it was fucking nuts. Helicopters were looking for him, and everyone was like wtf. Then, my parents came in, and were like, "I don't want you to ever see that boy again!" and it switched to Kyle being the big murderer. hah, wtf just happened.
Don't even ask. Idunno what the fuck I'm dreaming about, or why.
I want to go back to my old dreams, about sunflowers and daisies. I guess I miss it, but it's in the past. In the past.. past. past. past.
Take me back, for a second. I want to tell myself, back then, to change things. Choose this path, over the other. Hold this hand, instead of that hand. Hold onto that, instead of this.
I hate standing here, looking back and wishing I could've done this instead of that. Fuck fate. Fate is nothing but coincidence. Luck. And not because it's "karma", it's just dumb luck.
I don't get lucky. So fuck the system of karma and all the above. You guys don't do shit for me. Never have, never will.
Having one dog isn't as fun. But I love her all the same. Old man grunts n' all.
Last night, my parents and I went to dinner at some Italian restaurant we used to go to when I was little. I wasn't really hungry, but I wanted to go with them to be with them, ya know. After the salad (the ranch was yucky) and the bread, I was already getting stuffed. I could barely eat my lasagna, ha. My body was like, aching and I knew I couldn't take anymore. I was so weak and tired, I didn't understand. We got home, and I watched Wall-e with my dad. I fell asleep, and that was it. My body was like, "You're not doing anything but sleeping right now." So I went to my bed and fell asleep. And that was at like, 9:30. What a Friday night.
I'm so pissed, I missed work yesterday. I thought I worked next Friday, not this Friday, so when Marquis called me and was like "Uh why didn't you show?" I was so upset. I went in to talk to my manager, because talking to her face to face is the mature thing to do. I wanted to make sure she knew that I wasn't ditching or anything, I was just stupid and mixed up my schedule with last week's. She said it was fine, so I just hope she doesn't think anything negative about me now. I work Sunday, 10-5. I better not miss it, ha. I thought I had work today for some reason, but I don't. Good.
More time to sleep. And dream and question myself completely.
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