I want something or someone to motivate me. I want to be pushed. I want someone to take me out into the world and say, "Hey, isn't it so much nicer out here?" And I want to happily reply, "Yes, yes it is! I love it out here, I was totally missing out. Thank you for forcing me to go out and have such a good time." I want to go outside and do things again. Even when I have plans I sometimes choose to stay home. I don't know why I do it. Well, I do know. I'm stupid.
I want to blame other obstacles for stopping me from being a productive human being out in the real world, but the biggest obstacle would just be myself.
I really am a homebody. I blame it on laziness and my lack of motivation. I blame it on how comfy I am in my pajamas. I blame it on how comfy my bed is. I blame how good I feel when I'm high, and I blame how good food tastes. (I can stay home and eat all day.) I blame the fact that I really don't want to get ready to go out, because it's such a boring/lengthy process. I blame it on others for no longer giving me a reason to want to go out. I blame it on the times I've gotten ready for hours and then I was bailed on last minute. I blame it on the disappointment I feel when I think I'm going to have a good time and then I don't. I blame it on the fact that I would rather stay home than even give myself the slightest chance of feeling disappointed. (I do that quite often.) I'll point the blame anywhere really. Not like it matters anyway. Whatever my reasoning may be to justify my apathetic attitude, it does not matter. I'm just a lazy mother fucker.
I'm a little sick of being alone. It would be pleasing to feel the warmth of another in my bed, and to know that they are just as happy laying there as I am. Is it too much to ask to not be alone for a couple of hours? I don't think so.
I just want to get high and cuddle, ya know?
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