help yourself

Back to school.  It was sweet, I guess.  Nice to see everyone.  I ended up really enjoying my classes.  First period, I have photography.  I remember visiting that classroom last year when Tyler had photo, and I really liked the teacher.  So I'm stoked.  He's got good taste in music, like Radiohead and Muse, so I approve, ha.  I spotted an interesting tattoo peeking out of his black long-sleeved shirt.  It was like a spiral design, I want to see the whole thing.  I was totally distracted by it.  Anyways.  Second is finite, which will totally blow.  I got some asian lady who is kind of difficult to understand.  She's tiny, but it's easy to see she won't take any shit, ha.  We already worked out of the book today, and I had homework.  How retarded, but I did it.  Yay.  Third is history, and the teacher is actually chill.  She's old, but she's good friends with Mr. Frye, who was my history teacher last year.  And I loved him, and they're a lot alike..so I'm pleased.  She spent the whole class talking about random shit, and she even cusses, so I think third period will be nice.  I started to fall asleep in there, though, because of that fucking lighting.  I swear it's the lighting.  I can't explain it, agh.  Fourth period, I have English with Mr. Pfeiffer.  He's super chill, and funny.  And very energetic.  Definitely wakes me up after third period, so it's perfect.  And that's my last period!  :-)  I get out at 12, every day.  Fuck yes.  Every Wednesday, I have work experience 0 period, but who gives a shit, it's one day a week.  So basically, I have four classes.  Stokedstokedstoked.

I finished my summer reading within two hours.  Yes, I rule.  I always wait 'til the last night to do my summer reading assignments.  And the last three years, I never completed them, yet I'd get 100% on all of 'em.  I actually did the whole thing this time, so I'm not worried.  Just dreading the essay about the book.  I saw the movie, so I'll be fine.  ha.  And thank god for google/cliffnotes/and all that good stuff.

When I got home today from school, I felt amazing.  Four hours of school?  This rules.  It's really putting me in a good mood for the year.  I have so much more time now on week days.  I came home, watched a crapload of shows, and it wasn't even 2 yet.  I was like, oh hell yeah.

While writing this, there was a knock on my window, which scared the fucking shit out of me.  Heart racing, loudly I say, "What the fuck.." and ask all scared, "Who is it.." And I hear the sweetest, most angelic reply:  "Cassie."  I ran outside, and was so happy to see her, hah.  She's leaving Wednesday..agh.  I know I've already written that, it just sucks.  I have to keep reminding myself, I won't see her 'til like, Thanksgiving.  Ugh.  My best friend is gonna be a few states away.  How depressing.  but we had a good talk and our last hug was adorable.  I sniffed her, hahah.  Don't want to lose that scent.  Not creepy.

I understand you're going through some really tough shit right now.  I feel horrible, that I can't really help you.  I can be your support system, and I've even found you a job.  But you made me feel really..bummed.  You know that I need you, and I know you need me.  Although everything else may be falling apart, I'm here.  I'm sorry that's not good enough to brighten your mood right now.  But I'm here.

Always here.

What am I doing wrong?

I've changed, so much.  For you, for me.  For this.

Things aren't looking so good anymore.

Hope..?

I'm falling out..of myself.

Tired.  I guess.  My stomach is growling.  Nothing to snack on..damnit.

I guess I'll call it a night.

"...and if the people stare, then the people stare.  Oh, I really don't know and I really don't care.."