It wasn't really a good day for anyone in the family. We're all still super depressed over losing Reggie. Still talking about it. Still feeling it. I've got a lot of demons to fight. My sister is going through her own personal things, and I hate seeing her hurt. I know there's things going on in my mom's mind, we just haven't talked about them in a while. My dad...I wish he'd talk to me. Like, really talk to me. But I'm fine with any conversation we have.
My phone's broken, btw. I'm bummed. But, I'm getting an iphone. The fuck? Right? hah. Goodbye pink razor that I've had since like, 7th grade. Every time I'd ask my dad for a new phone, he'd just get me a new pink razor. It was actually pretty funny..but sucked. those things suck balls.
But anyway. So all day, my sis, mom and I were being all mopey. Kept having sad talks n' stuff. My mom and I went to Panda Express. A more quiet dinner experience than usual, but still okay. But we were all in a good mood by 9 because we decided to watch 17 Again. Funny story, to me, 'bout the movie. When the trailers first came out, my sis and I were like wtf when we saw Zac Efron (cool spelling, doode). We never liked the guy. I hate all Disney related things, have since like..7th grade. But the trailer was actually funny, so my sister and I swore we'd see it when it came out in theatre. We never did, but we've been dying to see it. Sad, really. We find that really funny, though. So we decided to watch it tonight, and we were secretly stoked. And during the movie, my sister and I kept giggling because we were starting to like Zac, and I kept trying to stop myself. hahah. It was a good time with the girls in the fam.
The movie was actually really cute. I cried, or tear'd up, actually. Quite a lot. I'm kind of amused at the fact that it took a movie like 17 Again to get me back on my feet..sort of.
My mind has been wandering. I took a shower, and I just couldn't stop thinking. I'm 17. What a bummer. But, I'm actually excited for school tomorrow. Lunch time. Going back to the same spot, probably to see Steven sitting there, with his lunch that his mom makes him. Seeing the baseball boys. The girls (the few that I can tolerate). Tomorrow, I want to feel like a kid. I really do. And I don't know what this feeling that is swimming through my veins right now, but I'm quite entertained by it.
I miss Kyle. I know I write about him a lot. My thoughts are consumed by him. I think about him with every action I make. I'm done fucking up. In school, with my parents. With him. I'm done letting myself beat myself up.
I'm my own worst enemy. It gets so annoying.
Waking up early, to get ready. For my last year of high school. I ran out into the living room to wake up my mom on the couch, and acted like a little girl and said, "Mom, what should I wear on my first day of school!" and we laughed, and I felt good.
Done fucking up.
At least I hope so.
I'm going to call Kyle. talk for a little bit, then get some sleep. Back to my really shitty sleeping pattern.
And I thought my sleep during summer was bad..pfft. You have no idea.
The past few days have been hell on my stomach. Those damn pills. I think I want to take a break.
My senior year = zombie me.
stoked. I guess.
g'night.
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