This feels new. I have broken away from the livejournal, and here I am. Fresh, fresh, fresh.
Rest in peace, abearwrites.lj...you always were so good to me. Sort of.
I have large green x's on both tops of my hands from the show. Reminders, reminders. Brings me back to other things. Good and bad, hopeful and hopeless. A full cycle of thoughts that I just want to push away, or hold close to me. I get confused.
I should've been somewhere else, had it not been for a crazy little girl.
Waiting for the doctor to call again. Some tests say I'm fine, but there are a few we haven't heard the results..I'm worried. Deep breaths.
I'm tired of being the bigger person. I'm tired of being the complainer. I'm tired of being so funny sometimes. I'm tired of being stepped on. I'm tired of walking all over others. I'm tired of listening to stories I've heard before, and not sharing mine. I'm tired of interruptions. I'm tired of never making up my mind, yet I feel so sure about things.. I'm tired of being a huge contradiction. Does that even make sense?
I wish I could accurately describe how I feel.
Stepping on toes and fingers.
Wish I could..
The way I feel sometimes scares me. But it's oh so intriguing.
I've been waiting for this, for so long. I'm so impatient...but I'll twiddle my thumbs and tap my foot against the tile floor, and waste time. It won't be long. You are so close, I melt at the thought.
'I'll play victim to your mood swings.' I wish I was stable, and strong.
I still ache. I still smile. I still wish for the best.
I attack you until you frown at me, and then I hold you. I'm odd, but love. Love, love. I need this more than anything. Just weak.
"So for once in my life, let me get what I want...Lord knows, it would be the first time.."
Breaking away from the negativity that drowns my thoughts and fills me with such pessimistic views. I'm just tired.
You're never going to feel as full as you felt, so let's go outside and we'll play William Tell..
Don't let me push you away. Ever.
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