at the end of my rope

I worked tonight. My arms are so sore, I actually worked. and now I'm exhausted. I'm so weak lately, it's such a bummer. I'm still sick, I've been sick forever now.

I can't stop listening to say anything. I just can't. I have all these phases, and now I only want to hear max bemis sing to me. a few weeks ago, I couldn't stop listening to bright eyes. I just really enjoy max bemis and conor oberst's lyrics. I love the way they intricately tell stories, I get so hooked. conor's raw voice singing about his drug problems, hate and love life gives me chills. and listening to max's broken heart sing about drugs and his bipolar disorder is just addicting. I love music. I enjoy doing absolutely nothing and listening to my favorite songs.

I just smoked to do homework and to cure my headache, but now I'm thinking of doing other things. I'll be up late, I know it.

I need to stop procrastinating as much as I do. I rarely sleep, I am easily woken up by the smallest noise. and boots wakes me up early every morning, every hour. I take naps here and there. I'm up all night finishing homework for class the next day, or coming home late from driving to different cities. I was only scheduled one day a week, that was sad. applying for new jobs, definitely. I need money, bad. my moods are up and down. I'm so damn tired all the time, it gets difficult to stay positive sometimes. I have all these ideas and dreams, but I lack the skill to even come close.

I'm just so damn busy lately. I never used to be busy. I was always available, always here, in my room. just passing the time. and now, I'm here and there. I'm all over. I'm busy. it's just weird. and tiring. and sometimes annoying. and stressful. and confusing.

but I'm also very happy. I find comfort laying in bed with someone, entwining our fingers over and over. talking in my car, enjoying the noise along with every silent moment.

My mind is all over the place lately. A lot of things are happening. I just need to slow down. breathe. sleep. think. I'm struggling with this, but I'm figuring shit out.

Sort of. I keep closing my eyes, and drifting off into warped states of mind. I didn't mean for things to get twisted. I'm stuck.