you could drink up the entire ocean

It's been an exhausting past few days.

It was really nice, for the most part.

Went to silverado days with Kyle. They didn't have the zipper ride, I was so pissed. Took him to see Where the Wild Things Are. So amazing. The music, the emotion, the boy in the movie...I loved every bit of it. I kept tearing up, it was just so good.

I wanna howl like a wild thing.

Too bad I can't, I have no voice. I'm so sick, it's ridiculous. Cough, sniffle, headache, fever. I'm too warm, too cold. I can't control shit. And I keep losing my voice.

I was so bummed about losing my voice, because I couldn't sing like I wanted to, to Jesse Lacey's beautiful music. Took him to see Brand New last night. It was so amazing. Third time seeing them. Well, second time. Twice seeing Brand New, and then one time seeing Jesse Lacey. But that's like three times. They will always be my favorite band. I'll never stop loving 'em. I teared up during a few songs..the memories. It was a beautiful moment. A beautiful time. I loved every second of it. I bought a Brand New t-shirt, and bought him a sweatshirt. I wanted the sweatshirt, but this girl bought the last small, right in front of me. so bummed.

Manchester Orchestra was pretty good. His voice is really something. I didn't hear the songs that I liked, though. But that band is really good.

and then of course, I see things...visuals, words, just these things...that break me down in an instant. And I don't believe a word you say. and I question this whole thing. I'm not okay sitting here, just idle and dumb..waiting to hear the truth, and ignoring all the signs pointing to it. because I want you to say it. and you won't. And when a girl gets the feeling in her gut, like I did before...it means she knows. she fucking knows.

and I fucking know.

and I'm so upset right now. I've got a hole in my chest. a huge lump in my throat. and it's not just because I'm sick. I feel sick, about this. and you fight back and tell me I've got it all wrong. when I've heard it all before.

and you left your stupid toothpaste here. sitting on my dresser. you always leave something here. and usually it makes me happy, because it either smells like you or I just love thinking about you, but I'm getting all upset just looking at it.

I hate that it's okay for you to push me away, but when I do the same to you..I'm a bitch. and you tell me "enjoy life, bitch." and it's fine. I know I'm right, and you'll never admit it. 'til eight months later, after all the swearing and promising you've done to keep me pacified. It isn't fair. I'm not your fool.

you know that I can't take this anymore. you break my heart every single time.

So touch me or don't

just let me know,

where you've been

We could leave it alone

but I'm sure there's someone who knows..

where you've been.